New study: Adult children get more help in “a more complicated world”
This cheeky graphic comes from a recent article in the Globe and Mail. And in case you’re wondering what the secret is — it’s you.
The article talks about a study published last month in the Journal of Marriage and Family that looked at the relationships of 633 Philadelphia-area parents, aged 40 to 60, and their 1,384 children, aged 18 to 33.
The findings? Of those 18- to 33-year-old adult children, 76% got domestic help monthly, and 79% got money most months. That’s more than three quarters of 18- to 33-year-olds still getting regular financial support from mom and dad!
The article also introduces us to a couple of families where the moms seem happy to continue baking and doing laundry for their adult children. If this describes you, keep in mind that your adult children will need to learn to do their own laundry some day — and you’re really not helping them to become independent by continuing to care for them as if they are small children.
You can read the whole Globe article here.
Italian father required by court to pay living allowance to 32-year-old daughter
From the Guardian:
A 32-year-old woman who lives with her mother and has been working on her thesis for eight years, has successfully sued her 60-year-old father for a living allowance, to continue until her thesis is complete.
Communication Strategies for Adult Children Supporting Aging Parents at Home
I’m pleased to announce that I have recently launched a new book for adult children supporting aging parents at home.
In this valuable new guide, I’ve adapted my strategies that have worked so well for communicating with boomerang kids and completely reworked them to provide a communication plan for adult children and their aging parents.
You can find more information about Communication Strategies for Adult Children with Aging Parents Living at Home, or order a copy, here.
Graphic: Young adults returning home due to recession
Here’s a great graphic from the Baltimore Sun that shows in visual form the impact that the recession is having on young adults:
Video Tip: How much rent to charge adult children living at home
New stats: 10% of 18-to-34-year-olds moved back home with parents because of recession.
The Pew Research Center recently released some interesting statistics:
- 13% of parents with grown children say one of their adult sons or daughters has moved back home in the past year
- 10% of adults ages 18 to 34 say the poor economy has forced them to move back in with Mom and Dad
- 11% of all adults 18 or older live with their parents in their home
- Only seven-in-ten grown children who live with their parents are younger than 30 (that means 30% of them are over 30)
- Of all adults who report they currently live in their parents’ home, about a third (35%) say they had lived independently at some point in their lives before returning home
You can read an article that explains Pew’s methods of data collection, and provides some analysis, here.
BBC show looking for adult children living at home
The BBC South Politics Show, which airs every Sunday in Hampshire, Dorset, West Sussex, Berkshire, Wiltshire and Surrey, wants to hear from people in the South of England who have Kippers or adult children at home. They want to find out why the adult children are still at home and how it’s working out for the whole family. There’s a chance the BBC would want to come and interview the family for the show. If this describes you, and you’re interested in talking to the BBC, send me a quick e-mail at christina@adultchildrenlivingathome.com and I’ll connect you with the people involved at the BBC.
Government-sanctioned “tough love” for boomerang kids
There’s quite a lot of uproar going on right now about a brochure released by the Department of Business, Innovation and Skills in the UK, urging parents to show “tough love” to their boomerang kids or other adult children living at home. The brochure says that parents shouldn’t nag (it’s not effective), but that they should cut back on the support they provide to boomerang kids to encourage them to step up to the plate and take care of themselves.
Much of the advice overlaps what I say in my book. The difference is that those who buy my book do so because they are looking for tips to make the situation of living with adult children work — meaning that they have some concerns about the situation or are already experiencing stress related to their living arrangements. Spending government money on a substantial glossy brochure to offer this advice to all parents of boomerang kids seems a bit much.
If you want to see what all the fuss is about, you can download the brochure, called “Parent Motivators,” here: www.direct.gov.uk/graduates
Interview on Roy Green’s Nationally Syndicated Show
Today I spoke with Roy Green on his Canada-wide talk show on the Corus Radio Network about how to deal with adult children living at home, including some important ways adult children must be treated differently from when they were little kids:
- Don’t overparent your adult kids — it’s a sure way to encourage rebellion and resentment. You can have house rules, but you can’t rule your adult child’s life.
- Don’t take care of all the details — your role has changed, and it’s no longer appropriate for you to pay your adult child’s bills, or do their laundry. Your role is to help your adult child achieve independence.
- Talk, talk, talk. Your adult child should have much more input than they did when they were small, and discussions and agreements are important to achieving household harmony. That said, it’s still your house, so in the end, what you say goes.
You can hear the interview here.
From the adult child’s point of view: How to maintain a relationship?
Lucy Tobin, a boomerang kid in the UK, recently write an excellent piece for The Guardian that can provide some insight for parents with adult children living at home — especially if they have recently returned from university — about how challenging it is for adult children living at home to maintain a normal young adult’s life, having had to give up the typical young adult lifestyle. The article shows how both parents and kids can feel stressed by the situation, and may echo some of your own thoughts about how challenging it is to see your adult child making mistakes or decisions you don’t agree with right in front of you, even if you know they were likely doing those same things while they were away (and you were blissfully ignorant).
Here are quotes from two Moms in the article:
“In a way, it was easier when you were at university. I could listen from afar whenever you felt like talking to me about your love life, and try to help. But now I see it developing in front of my eyes, and when I give you advice, you ignore it.”
“I get on well with my kids, and their boyfriends are nice, polite people to have around. But it can be frustrating – they revert to how they were as children. It would be nice to see them and their partners make a meal for us once in a while, rather than us cooking for all the extra people all the time.”
Do these sentiments sound familiar? If so, you can read the rest of the article here. And then, you might want to check out the tips you can find in The Hands-On Guide to Surviving Adult Children Living at Home.