Adult children moving home after college? Watch this video for survival tips!
Are you impeding your adult child’s success at work?
A 60 Minutes piece explored the impact the Millenials — that’s the current generation of your adults, the ones who are most likely to be living at home — are having on the workplace… and how the workplace is impacting these young adults who have been told since childhood that they are special and they will always win.
They discovered that college professors are getting phone calls from parents when they don’t think their kids’ grades are fair, and that parents are the ones taking responsibility for updating their adult children’s resumes with HR firms, and even contacting employers about performance evaluations they don’t agree with.
If you’ve been on this path with your adult child, it’s time to back off. The number one mistake you can make with adult children living at home is continuing to parent them like they are young children. In the end, this not only robs your adult kids of the chance to develop their own much-needed skills, it will also lead to resentment on both sides.
So let junior talk to his own boss about a bad performance review — or, better yet, learn how to do a great job in the first place!
Address entitlement issues right up front
I’ve just read an article that has got me absolutely fuming. It’s not new — in fact, it’s from 2007 (which means it was written *before* the current economic crisis).
The article is entitled “Twentysomething: Be responsible, go back home after college,” and its entire point is that college grads should move home after college to save money, give themselves time to adjust to the real world and avoid having to take a job that doesn’t jive with their life goals.
Ack!
Sure, moving home with parents after college can be a great help, and can provide much needed support for emerging adults — both emotional and financial. I moved back home myself after graduating, and stayed for 8 months. At the time, I never thought about what my stay was costing my parents, though I did contribute to the household as much as I could by doing chores, cooking, and so on. Ryan, likewise, seems to miss entirely that the decision to move home impacts anyone other than the adult child. Here are a couple of choice quotes:
By moving home after graduation, you have little or no rent which allows for more freedom when searching for a job. There is no need to sell out to an investment bank if your real goal is to work with underprivileged children. Depending on where your parents are located, you are probably missing out on the big city night life and social scene, but you have lots of opportunities to find the perfect job, regardless of pay. If ditching the social scene for career sake doesn’t demonstrate responsibility and independence, I don’t know what does.
… moving home with mom and dad will immediately save you about $700 a month in housing costs. At least there is some extra cash flow. In two years, you can save up enough to move out on your own without worrying about going into credit card debt for basic necessities like fixing your car or buying groceries.
… Rather than focus on rent, bills and kids, emerging adults living at home with their parents have the ability to focus on the most important aspects of emerging adult life: figuring out who they are and what career is right for them.
The basic facts here are all true. But if this is how your adult child living at home sees the arrangement of living in your home, you’re in trouble. If there is no understanding that it is costing you real dollars to house an extra person in your home (for things like food, gas, heat, electricity, and so on), and that it may actually impact your lifestyle as well as your adult child’s, the ground is set for misunderstandings that will lead to resentment and damaged relationships. This is one of many reasons why it’s vitally important to work out both a living agreement (or contract) and a family budget before your adult child moves home.
To read Ryan’s entire article, click here. I’d be interested to know if it gets you as riled up as it did me. If you have an adult kid who views living with you as Ryan does, check out my article on how to avoid the top 5 mistakes made by parents with adult children living at home.
More stories of adult children living at home
Today’s story features Natasha Giraldo, a 33-year-old who recently moved in with her 63-year-old mother to save money and pay off substantial credit card debt.
Quotes from the article show how multi-generational living can be tough on both adult parent and child. From Natasha:
She’s already raised me. She doesn’t have to do it again. I moved back in as a necessity based on the choices I made. As much as I love my mom, when I’m able, I will be out of here.
And from her mom:
It’s a whole change in lifestyle. If I’m perfectly honest, I would love to go back to having my house to myself. But you incorporate (your adult children) into your life rather than stop living.
You can read the whole article here.