Almost 30 and still relying on Mom and Dad
I recently talked about the new term “yuckies,” which stands for Young Unwitting Costly Kids — adult children who still rely on their parents for regular financial support. Bryony Gordon, 29, a writer for the Telegraph, recently shared her thoughts on being a yuckie. Here’s a quote from her piece that neatly captures today’s realities for many young people, and how it’s impacting their parents:
I am still partly reliant on my parents despite being old enough to be one myself, a point that my mother never tires of making. “You know that you are going to be 30 this year,” she says. “When I was your age, I was already paying your school fees.”
Gosh, my school fees. What a waste of money that was. Here I am, no more a home-owner than I am a trapeze artist or for that matter a circus elephant, one toe clinging desperately to the very bottom rung of the property ladder thanks only to my mother who bought most of the flat that I live in. Last month she had to pay my gas bill.
The piece is thoughtful and a good read, and you can find it here.
From the adult child’s point of view: How to maintain a relationship?
Lucy Tobin, a boomerang kid in the UK, recently write an excellent piece for The Guardian that can provide some insight for parents with adult children living at home — especially if they have recently returned from university — about how challenging it is for adult children living at home to maintain a normal young adult’s life, having had to give up the typical young adult lifestyle. The article shows how both parents and kids can feel stressed by the situation, and may echo some of your own thoughts about how challenging it is to see your adult child making mistakes or decisions you don’t agree with right in front of you, even if you know they were likely doing those same things while they were away (and you were blissfully ignorant).
Here are quotes from two Moms in the article:
“In a way, it was easier when you were at university. I could listen from afar whenever you felt like talking to me about your love life, and try to help. But now I see it developing in front of my eyes, and when I give you advice, you ignore it.”
“I get on well with my kids, and their boyfriends are nice, polite people to have around. But it can be frustrating – they revert to how they were as children. It would be nice to see them and their partners make a meal for us once in a while, rather than us cooking for all the extra people all the time.”
Do these sentiments sound familiar? If so, you can read the rest of the article here. And then, you might want to check out the tips you can find in The Hands-On Guide to Surviving Adult Children Living at Home.
Video: An adult son who returned home with wife and daughters in tow
When adult children move home with children of their own in tow, there are even more issues that everyone has to deal with — including who will look after the young children, where everyone will fit, and conflicts over different parenting styles. Still, it’s becoming a more and more common living situation, and with good communication and understanding, you can make it work. Here’s a video that tells the story of one adult son who moved back into his parents house with his wife and two daughters after the economic downturn made it impossible to make ends meet.
Another family story of adult children living at home
Today’s family story comes from Stillwater, Minnessota, where 33-year-old Dawn Mikkelson has moved back in with her parents after she lost 60% of her video-production company’s business to the recession.
Dawn’s story shows that there’s always something a little starnge about moving back in with Mom and Dad. For her, it’s the pink carpet in her childhood bedroom, that reminds her of her childhood “pink phase.”
You can read Dawn’s story here.
Stories of “boomerangst”
Today we’re sharing some thoughts on “boomerangst” — the feelings of angst related to moving back home with Mom and Dad — from T.J. Wihera, himself a boomerang kid.He shares a few stories of fellow boomerangers living at home, their feelings about the lack of independence (and the benefits), and how the situation is working out.
You can check out his piece, which appeared in the Denver Post, here.
A few more stories to share
Again, I’ve got some more stories of adult children living at home for you, this time from the Santa Monica College Corsair newspaper. Here’s how one of the stories begins:
Cathy can’t find her shorts. She’s looked in her hamper and closet; she’s searched under her bed and carefully shifted through the stacks of clothes littering her bedroom.
“Mom!” she yells, “Have you seen my denim cutoffs?” Her mother replies aggressively, “Those old shorts? I sent them to Poland. Your relatives need them more than you do.”
And so it goes for another twenty-something who has been forced to move back with parents because of rising housing costs and plummeting employment opportunities.
You can read the rest of the article here.
Stuff Justin’s dad says… that might make you feel better
Justin Halpern has a twitter feed that’s pretty much all about sharing profane things his father says. What makes it interesting is that Justin is 29, and he’s living at home with his 73-year-old dad. He recently wrote a piece for CBS Moneywatch, sharing some of his dad’s insights into their relationship. Among them is:
‘I don’t give a [expletive] when you leave, I just need to know you’re [expletive] leaving someday.’
That’s a rough way of putting it, but it’s important nonetheless. Setting a timeline for your adult child’s departure is one of the most important ways you can help them maintain their self-respect — and help you maintain your sanity.
You can read the rest of Justin’s piece here.
Still more stories of adult children living at home
I share a lot of posts with stories about families with adult children living at home, because I know it’s important for those who are living in this challenging situation to understand that they are not alone. Today’s stories come from the TheSunNews.com in Myrtle Beach. You can read about adults from 30 to 56 who are living with their parents again, since unemployment in their area is at 10.5%. Here’s the link to the article:
http://www.thesunnews.com/news/local/story/1100598.html
Clever insight from a boomerang kid
At 26 and with 2 masters degrees, Nicky Loomis has found herself rooming with her parents in Pasadena, while trying to maintain a social life with her friends in L.A. In the first post on her new blog, she shares some of the trials and tribulatons of living with her parents in her mid-twenties. Here’s a highlight:
Though the high-school curfew is gone, if I don’t call to check in, it’s the barrage of the voicemails again. My parents even learned how to text.
My friends have been looking at me kind of funny lately, though, and I can’t blame them: I’ve started repeating dorky 60-year-old jokes my father performs at dinner; I now drink half-decaf, half-regular coffee; and I think watching Sunday golf on TV is relaxing.
What kind of a boomerang have I become?
For more of Nicky’s story, check out her blog at http://www.sgvtribune.com/opinions/ci_13481454. You might get some insight into how your own boomerangs are feeling. If not, Nicky’s witty writing should at least be enough to make you smile.
When it’s time to let your adult kids fly on their own
This recent article from the Sun Sentinel describes parents who are having trouble letting go of their parenting duties, even when their children are in college. The parents in this story still write thank you notes for their 20-something kids, and even want to help with college homework:
There are the parents who call the admissions office pretending to be their child in order to get information… There are parents who call professors to complain about a bad grade, perhaps because bullying the teacher worked in elementary or high school.
If you’re still acting like a “helicopter parent” when your kids are adults, you’re not doing them any favors. Over-parenting is Dangerous Mistake #1 covered in our free report, “Avoid the 8 Most Dangerous Mistakes Parents Make When Their Adult Child Lives at Home” (which you can access by filling in your name and e-mail address on the right side of this page).