Almost 30 and still relying on Mom and Dad
I recently talked about the new term “yuckies,” which stands for Young Unwitting Costly Kids — adult children who still rely on their parents for regular financial support. Bryony Gordon, 29, a writer for the Telegraph, recently shared her thoughts on being a yuckie. Here’s a quote from her piece that neatly captures today’s realities for many young people, and how it’s impacting their parents:
I am still partly reliant on my parents despite being old enough to be one myself, a point that my mother never tires of making. “You know that you are going to be 30 this year,” she says. “When I was your age, I was already paying your school fees.”
Gosh, my school fees. What a waste of money that was. Here I am, no more a home-owner than I am a trapeze artist or for that matter a circus elephant, one toe clinging desperately to the very bottom rung of the property ladder thanks only to my mother who bought most of the flat that I live in. Last month she had to pay my gas bill.
The piece is thoughtful and a good read, and you can find it here.
Boomeranging: A wise financial decision?
I’m interested to see what readers of this blog think of a recent editorial written by the editor in chief of the college paper at Ferris State University in Michigan. The editor says that moving back in with one’s parents is a “rather adult decision.” Her logic?
Recognizing the likely poor living conditions they would be able to afford individually and deciding that rather than settling for a job just to pay the bills, this demographic has opted to stay in school, continuing their education to better weather the economic storms in the future.
With the headline “Boomerang Kids Aren’t Bad,” this piece may stir up some negative feelings from parents struggling with adult kids who are close to overstaying their welcome. You can read the full piece here.
From the adult child’s point of view: How to maintain a relationship?
Lucy Tobin, a boomerang kid in the UK, recently write an excellent piece for The Guardian that can provide some insight for parents with adult children living at home — especially if they have recently returned from university — about how challenging it is for adult children living at home to maintain a normal young adult’s life, having had to give up the typical young adult lifestyle. The article shows how both parents and kids can feel stressed by the situation, and may echo some of your own thoughts about how challenging it is to see your adult child making mistakes or decisions you don’t agree with right in front of you, even if you know they were likely doing those same things while they were away (and you were blissfully ignorant).
Here are quotes from two Moms in the article:
“In a way, it was easier when you were at university. I could listen from afar whenever you felt like talking to me about your love life, and try to help. But now I see it developing in front of my eyes, and when I give you advice, you ignore it.”
“I get on well with my kids, and their boyfriends are nice, polite people to have around. But it can be frustrating – they revert to how they were as children. It would be nice to see them and their partners make a meal for us once in a while, rather than us cooking for all the extra people all the time.”
Do these sentiments sound familiar? If so, you can read the rest of the article here. And then, you might want to check out the tips you can find in The Hands-On Guide to Surviving Adult Children Living at Home.
Are your adult child’s finances your business?
One of the biggest sources of conflict between parents and adult children living at home — in fact, between just about any adults who share a household — is money. In a recent column for the Washington Post, Michelle Singletary explained when — and why — and adult child’s finances are, in fact, their parents’ business. The column was written in response to a letter from an adult child living at home that began like this:
“My parents and I are at an impasse,” she said. “After graduating college, I had minor credit card debt. I asked to move into my parents’ home after living on my own for a while to get rid of the debt, and to get other finances in order. I wanted to do a reset and start off right before it got out of hand.”
To see what Singletary had to say about this hot topic, you can read her column online here.
Stories of “boomerangst”
Today we’re sharing some thoughts on “boomerangst” — the feelings of angst related to moving back home with Mom and Dad — from T.J. Wihera, himself a boomerang kid.He shares a few stories of fellow boomerangers living at home, their feelings about the lack of independence (and the benefits), and how the situation is working out.
You can check out his piece, which appeared in the Denver Post, here.
What your college grad is thinking about moving home
Here’s a video from CBS MoneyWatch about graduating college students moving back home — and what their expectations are once they get there.
Clever insight from a boomerang kid
At 26 and with 2 masters degrees, Nicky Loomis has found herself rooming with her parents in Pasadena, while trying to maintain a social life with her friends in L.A. In the first post on her new blog, she shares some of the trials and tribulatons of living with her parents in her mid-twenties. Here’s a highlight:
Though the high-school curfew is gone, if I don’t call to check in, it’s the barrage of the voicemails again. My parents even learned how to text.
My friends have been looking at me kind of funny lately, though, and I can’t blame them: I’ve started repeating dorky 60-year-old jokes my father performs at dinner; I now drink half-decaf, half-regular coffee; and I think watching Sunday golf on TV is relaxing.
What kind of a boomerang have I become?
For more of Nicky’s story, check out her blog at http://www.sgvtribune.com/opinions/ci_13481454. You might get some insight into how your own boomerangs are feeling. If not, Nicky’s witty writing should at least be enough to make you smile.
Different perspectives on adult children living at home
A recent article from the New York Times provides some different perspective from adult children who are living at home. Some feel the bedroom they have at their parents’ house is their last bit of private space and figure they should be able to treat it how they want (as long as they don’t damage the house). Others strongly feel that they are guests in their parents homes and strive to minimize the impact of the presence, even in their own bedroom. Which perspective is playing out in your house?
You can read the whole article here.
If you’re struggling to find a balance between your adult child’s need for space and privacy and your own needs for your home, check out the tips offered in our book.
Is living at home a good financial strategy?
Here’s an interesting blog post from a twentysomething who argues that living at home is not a way to mooch off of mom and dad, but a sound financial strategy. Here’s a short quote:
More and more adult children are moving back home, and not so they can spend all day watching porn in their basement-cum-living-quarters while Mom does their laundry and brings them PBJ sandwiches all day long. Most these days have jobs, have financial obligations they are meeting, and are contributing financially and/or in terms of responsibilities in their parents’ home. Some parents even say it’s given them a financial break. Also, many families cite that it has fostered closer inter-generational relationships and that they feel like they appreciate and respect one another more for the experience.
Does this match up to the experience you’re having with your adult children living at home? you may need some tips to help get things back on track. You can learn some useful planning and communications strategies in my eBook: The Hands-On Guide to Surviving Adult Chldren Living at Home.
New college grads having a tough time finding jobs
With unemployment rising sharply just as this year’s class of graduates is coming to the end of their education, people are starting to wonder just what will happen to the class of 2009.
The young graduates themselves seem terrified, with a huge portion of them planning to move home because there’s no other way they can see themselves making rent.
Here are some thoughts from college seniors from a recent article at NewsDaily.com:
“You’re graduating into this world and being thrown out of the college bubble and you’re supposed to be able to get a job, which just doesn’t exist.
“Most people I know my age still live at home because they can’t even get it together to make enough money to pay rent. Each class piles up against the ones before it. I know so many people who are looking for jobs, and have been since they graduated. There’s this sense of ‘No hope.’”
– Andrew Heber, 24, class of 2007“People are saying this is the worst year to graduate, ever.”
– Amanda Haimes, 22, class of 2009
If you have an adult child who is set to graduate this Spring, now’s the time to start the conversation about future living arrangements. Some new graduates may assume they’re moving home to live with Mom and Dad, even if they haven’t let you in on the plan. Talk to them now about what their plans are, and what your expectations are if they do return to the nest.