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Rules for adult kids at home during college breaks
I posted a new article today that talks about setting rules for adult children who return home during college breaks. Some key tips from the article:
Make sure you talk about and agree upon guidelines for:
- Household rules, including swearing, late nights, and noise: Remember that your college kid has been dealing with college-style language, music, and hours. Talk about what you’re comfortable with, and what you’re not.
- Who covers additional expenses: If your adult kid is just home for a long weekend, this probably isn’t an issue. But if they’re home for three months, who’s going to pay for the extra groceries they consume and the electricity they use? What about long-distance calls they make keeping up with college friends?
- Fair use of shared resources: Make sure you all agree on appropriate use of the family computer and TV. You don’t want to have battles over the remote just as someone’s favorite show is about to begin. And be very clear about any guidelines for using (and gassing up!) the family car.
- The thorny issue of overnight guests: Whether you like it or not, your kid’s probably been having sleepovers with his girlfriend while at school. Can he have her stay over in his room at your home?
- Privacy rules for both you and your adult children: These rules will be different than they were when your kid lived at home full-time. You should agree to stay out of her room and her mail, and she should agree to stay out of yours.
- Which chores your grown kids will be responsible for: A summer break with no help from your adult kids could leave you fuming. Make sure you agree on what’s expected beforehand so your kid doesn’t feel imposed upon, and you don’t feel resentful.
If you need help setting up an agreement with your adult kids for their breaks at home, or if you just need some advice on how to renegotiate your relationship now that your kids are grown, you can find resources and tips at www.adultchildrenlivingathome.com.
You can read the rest of the article here.
How to set up a contract for adult kids returning home
In Australia, as in the rest of the world, adult children are living at home longer — and when they do leave, they’re quite likely to “boomerang” home within one to four years. In fact, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, 54% of 25- to 29-year-olds who live at home were out of the nest at some point, and 8% of 30- to 34-year-olds still live at home!
That prompted Murray Olds and Murray Wilson from Radio 2UE Sydney to give me a call this afternoon to talk about rules for adult children living at home. I talked to them about the importance of creating a contract or living agreement for adult children moving home. They’ve got the whole interview (about 5 minutes) posted on their website, and you can check it out here.
How to Kick Your Kids Out of the Nest
I was quoted yesterday in a piece for CBS MoneyWatch on what to do when you adult kids move home — or just won’t leave. Here’s an excerpt from the article:
If you hope to ever get your kids out of the house, you need a plan in place before they move back. That plan should set a move-out deadline and define what they need to accomplish while they’re home, says Christina Newberry, co-author of The Hands-On Guide to Surviving Adult Children Living at Home. Newberry speaks from experience, having twice moved home to live with her parents in her 20s. She suggests families agree to a policy for everything from overnight guests to sharing the TV and the house computer. Do not baby your children, she warns. “If you treat them like a kid again, you’re not helping them — you are creating a lifestyle that they won’t be able to maintain when they leave,” she says. “Your job is to get them to where they don’t need you anymore.”
You can read the whole article here.
High school’s over: Now what?
If you have new grads in your house, you’re going to be doing some “relationship re-negotiating” this summer. Whether they’re staying at home or leaving to attend college, your relationship with your newly adult kids will change. It can be a tough transition for some.
A recent article from the Globe & Mail reviews what kind of rules work for those new grads living at home, and which ones you’ll need to let go. Here are top no-go rules:
The problem with these is that they are for younger kids, and genuinely do not fit in with your child’s new whether-you-like-it-or-not adult status.
1) Requiring them to have a curfew.
2) Regularly asking them where they are going.
3) Expecting them to come to family meals regularly or to participate in family activities.
4) Giving them lectures about how they are going to have to get their act together.
5) Telling them not to talk with food in their mouth.
You can read the full article here.
Interview with Australian Radio
New research from the Australian Bureau of Statistics shows that 27% of people aged 20-34 are living with their parents. We talked about this phenomenon today with 2UE radio in Sydney, and offered some tips for families with adult children living at home. You can hear the seven-minute interview here.
Recent News Stories featuring AdultChildrenLivingatHome.com
This weekend, we were featured on News1130 Radio in Vancouver and in the Calgary Herald newspaper.
To listen to one of the clips from News1130 Radio, click here.
Our tips for the Calgary Herald article were for families who have new grads moving back home this summer. The key tips from the article are:
- Establish ground rules prior to move-in. It may sound harsh, but some families find a contract can help formalize rules and keep everyone on the same page.
- How will the kids contribute? They may not be able to afford market-value rent, but grown children should help offset the extra expenses they create (more money spent on food, higher phone bill, greater water consumption, etc.). Give them the heads up on what’s expected beforehand.
- Don’t make living at home a dream come true. A university grad is capable of painting their room, doing their laundry and making their lunch. – Set a deadline for them to leave. Setting a timeline keeps everyone focused on the fact that eventually the young adult needs to become independent.
- Stay calm. Planning the details of your kid’s return home can be stressful. Take some deep breaths and work on developing new communication techniques — they’ll come in handy.
You can read the whole article here.
Life with ‘boomerang kids’ can bring some conflicts
We were quoted in an article about adult children living at home in today’s Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:
“The communication part is so important,” says Christina Newberry, 31, of Vancouver, British Columbia, whose Web site, www.adultchildrenlivingathome.com, markets a $27.97 contract for parents and children that lists the ground rules in advance.
“Conversations are helpful, but it can be really difficult when you’re having a fight to remember exactly what you agreed to do or not do,” said Ms. Newberry. “Agreeing on the rules ahead of time is a really helpful way to make sure everyone is on the same page.”
Are your kids graduating college this year? Plan ahead for a smooth transition home.
We posted a new article on our site today, all about how you can plan ahead to make sure your new grad’s return to the nest is a smooth one. Here are some tips from the article:
- Establish ground rules now: Some families with adult children living at home find a contract can help formalize the rules and keep everyone on the same page.
- Decide ahead of time how they will contribute: They may not be able to afford market-value rent, but adult children living at home should help make a dent in the extra expenses they create (extra gas, higher phone bill, etc.). Make sure this is clear before they start packing up the dorm.
- Don’t help too much: A college grad is capable of painting their room and planning their own move. Don’t take care of all the details or you’ll find yourself doing laundry and making lunches once they’re home.
- Set a deadline for them to leave: Though it may sound harsh, setting a time limit ahead of time helps keep everyone focused on the fact that eventually the new grad needs to establish their independence.
- Above all: Stay calm! Planning the details of your new grad’s return to the nest can be stressful, but anger isn’t helpful. Try a time out, or work on developing new communication techniques – they’ll come in handy once you’re all sharing a home.
You can read the rest of the article here.
New college grads having a tough time finding jobs
With unemployment rising sharply just as this year’s class of graduates is coming to the end of their education, people are starting to wonder just what will happen to the class of 2009.
The young graduates themselves seem terrified, with a huge portion of them planning to move home because there’s no other way they can see themselves making rent.
Here are some thoughts from college seniors from a recent article at NewsDaily.com:
“You’re graduating into this world and being thrown out of the college bubble and you’re supposed to be able to get a job, which just doesn’t exist.
“Most people I know my age still live at home because they can’t even get it together to make enough money to pay rent. Each class piles up against the ones before it. I know so many people who are looking for jobs, and have been since they graduated. There’s this sense of ‘No hope.’”
– Andrew Heber, 24, class of 2007“People are saying this is the worst year to graduate, ever.”
– Amanda Haimes, 22, class of 2009
If you have an adult child who is set to graduate this Spring, now’s the time to start the conversation about future living arrangements. Some new graduates may assume they’re moving home to live with Mom and Dad, even if they haven’t let you in on the plan. Talk to them now about what their plans are, and what your expectations are if they do return to the nest.