Need some comic relief? 10 things not to say to your boomerang kid
A little bit of humor today from The Associated Press, as printed in the Southtown Star. Among the recommended comments to avoid? “I’m sure we all need a break from stress, but you need a job before you know what real stress is.” Check out the rest of the list here: Parents: Want to be on good terms with the newly minted college grad? 10 things not to say
An interesting take on the cultural shift toward financial dependence
An interesting article in Psychology Today talks about why more adult children are moving home, and some of the reasons why this is no longer a temporary phenomenon, but part of a larger cultural shift. Neither parents nor adult children feel embarrassment or a sense of failure when the adult children remain financially dependent well into their twenties or even thirties, as would have been the case a generation ( or even half a generation) ago.
You can read this interesting take on the not-so-empty nests of the Boomer Generation here.
A positive living-at-home experience, from the adult kid’s point of view
Unfortunately, we often have to talk about the challenges that arise when adult children move home – and there can be many. But there can also be many benefits. For the adult child, there are obvious financial benefits. But there are also benefits that involve the chance to develop deeper relationships with parents and any younger siblings still living at home. Tegan Flanagan described her experience living with her parents (bringing her boyfriend with her, no less) in a great piece for liquid ideas. Among her observations:
It’s not ‘cool’ to admit this but I actually enjoy seeing my parents and brother every day and from an economic perspective it just makes sense to live together under the one roof – the space is there to be shared, less food is wasted when there are more mouths to eat it. Sharing a meal around the dinner table and debriefing on the day is also really quite cathartic.
You can read her piece on liquid ideas here.
Tax savings for parents with adult children living at home
Reuters has an article that all parents with adult children living at home should read before sending off their taxes. According to the article, low-income adult children could save you up to $6000 in taxes. That’s a significant savings that will make a big dent in the extra expenses your adult child is adding to your household! You can read the article by clicking here.
London journalist looking for adult daughters living at home
A journalist in London is looking for women in their late 20s-30s who live with their parents and who would be happy to be interviewed and potentially photographed for a magazine piece to go in a broadsheet Sunday supplement.
From the journalist:
The piece will be a nice article, looking at the way the recession (among other things) is changing our perceptions of family and the different ways in which people successfully structure family life. Do get in touch and I can give you more information about what it would entail (not much – an hour or so of your time), and about me too. I can also credit businesses or any other activities (books or plays, for example, or charities). Thanks very much!
You can contact her at rebeccaLseal(at)gmail.com.
Are you spoiling your adult son?
Very interesting new information has emerged from a survey conducted in the UK by Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment. It shows (perhaps not surprisingly) that parents treat adult sons living at home quite differently from adult daughters in the same position. Among the findings:
- Parents are three times more likely to let a son move back home than a daughter
- Almost 60% of parents say they spoil their sons, while only 35% say they spoil their daughters
So, are you spoiling your son? And, if so, are you setting up inappropriate expectations that will make it harder for him to get established on his own two feet when it is time for him to leave the nest?
Researcher looking for families with adult children living at home
A researcher in the Los Angeles area is looking for families whose college grads have returned home to live to interview for a Psych paper. She is looking for families that have issues because of the living situation, whether it be joblessness, contributions to the household, personalities, economics, etc., as well as those who have a great relationship. Please email the researcher at the e-mail address below with a few lines about your family situation and leave contact information.
Contact Mollypp[at]mac.com
The perception problem
I came across an editorial in a college newspaper today in which the writer looked for reasons why so many college students and recent graduates are currently living with their parents. It’s always interesting to see how the situation is perceived by the adult children themselves. The writer’s perceptions are in line with what I see and hear from other adult children in their early 20s. Here’s my analysis of her points:
1. Generation Y had dreams of being independent at college, spurred on by unrealistic movies, and has “received another kick in the jaw” by being unable to do so.
My take: It seems to me the perception here is the problem. We all see idealized lives in the movies. There are few movies about people going to jobs they don’t like for 40 years to support a family that they can only rarely take on vacation. Feeling like you’ve been kicked in the jaw because you misunderstood your own financial ability to support yourself seems strange. Unless the kick in the jaw is that your parents are unwilling or unable to support the dreamed-of college lifestyle.
2. The economy is to blame for the lack of good, well paying entry-level jobs. “I’m sure every student knows a recent graduate who has a degree in something impressive like molecular biology but is putting that brilliant mind to work as a full-time barista at Starbucks instead of interning at a hospital.”
My take: I graduated from college 12 years ago. Then, unable to find a job that took advantage of my new skills and education, I went and worked for slightly more than minimum wage in a bookstore while, yes, living with my parents. My point is that it’s not a new problem that college grads can’t find jobs in their chosen fields, especially jobs that pay a living wage. Yes, this is a problem, but it it not new. The key is to find opportunities to grow in whatever job you can find. I built a website for that bookstore, asked for the responsibility of writing some newspaper ads, and started a community book club. These efforts made this job more than a sales clerk position and allowed me to use it as a springboard to my first “real” job.
3. Tuition has climbed out of proportion with family income.
My take: Yes –I absolutely agree. When I was in college, I made my way on scholarships, meaning I graduated unburdened by student loans. I’m not sure this is possible today. Parents and their children need to have conversations about college early — and if the children want to go, it’s a wise idea for both parents and teenagers to start saving. It’s much easier (and less expensive) to save at least some of the money ahead of time than to be burdened with loan payments for 20 years. This is a real problem.
But it’s the second point that I find most interesting. My perception is that no one has been able to walk straight out of college and get a “real” job since my parents graduated — about 40 years ago. At that stage, the baby boomers began to fill up jobs, meaning that there were not so many openings for young grads as older people retired. Hence the predicament of Generation X, which is now continuing with Gen Y, rather than emerging as a new problem.
I’m sure today’s college students will think I am an old crab-pot if they read this. But am I wrong?
You can read Brittany Forrell’s editorial “Tuition Costs Crush Students” in the Missouri State University Standard here.
TV producers looking for couples moving in with their parents
The producers of The Real Housewives of New Jersey are developing a brand-new series about couples moving back into their parents’ homes. If you are married, engaged, or just dating and are moving back in with your parents, they want to hear from you. Couples should have loud, fun personalities.
If you are interested in applying to be on this show, send photos and/or videos, plus bios with an explanation of why you are a perfect fit for the show (and why your situation is unique, unusual or interesting) to: casting@sirensmedia.com
Inverse relationship between adult children living at home and home ownership rate
Here’s a very interesting graph from calculatedriskblog.com:
It shows, not surprisingly, that when more adult children live with their parents, the home ownership rate for adult children in the same age group drops, and vice versa. You can learn about the data used to compile this graph here.